“well i haven’t seen you in a long time” …that hurts me. lol like call/text me. send me an email. i can’t communicate with my coworkers because i lack communication in my social/personal life. PSA to my friends (if i still have any): i am working on it…
I am exhausted from trying to be stronger than I feel.
“
u.
i think about you often. plural. i guess it’s too late to apologize. i’m probably the same person you dropped a few years ago. idk, i didn’t really think how i was going to put this into words. but i miss you. i have a full time job, not really in school. 2 jobs? idk. but i miss you, my mom stopped asking about you. you were a great friend and i was shit. a shit person and friend…who always uses the worst ever situation to carry over my head. i wish i didn’t. well, i miss you. if only i wasn’t afraid of confrontation and faced my wrongs. i miss your company and how you, well you had great ideas. couldn’t have gone through high school without you. mornings before, sometimes lunch, bus rides home.
merp, well you’ll probably not see this, sucks i blocked you on snapchat when i snapped after your texts about me flaking for the last time. the end of 2016 was a tough year. i got my first job in the summer, worked weird hours and made the mistake of making plans between overnight shifts. lost a friend, literally.
well this probably isn’t the first time i tried making a post. i was never good at writing 5 body paragraphs with enticing topic sentences and shit that makes you hooked or whatever. whatever. they say tragic things are supposed to make you motivated or give you the determination to make changes– to do things. to improve. i haven’t been making progress in changing. my room is still cluttered, i have boxes filled with things i have to sort through, again, and again. “sentimental shit” but hey i drink less since i found out i have depression. haven’t smoked since i got a full time job that isn’t retail. i wish i could have shared all these things with you in person. losing contact with you made me feel less of a friend to my other friends. i wouldn’t say detached…i know i’m not the greatest friend, but i get really sad. over things. a lot of things. idk, lately i think about things and i tear up. like i know i shouldn’t cry. shit happens. i let them happen. wow this is not what i wanted to share. i found [one of] my journal(s) and the last entry was from May but it was recapping the whole month of April.
i am disorganized if y’all couldn’t tell, in many ways. feb 23, 2019. 10:40pm
